When your talent is a curse and a blessing.

bea.
2 min readNov 1, 2022

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I am so conscious of my weakness and strength. My awareness can drive me and draw me away from what I should do. Once in a while, I feel attacked by an imposter syndrome. I could be having doubts of everything I’m talented in. Apparently, all kind of hesitations are from my unhealthy perfectionism and upbringing. I’m a fast learner but I think I don’t deserve the talents I have like I am not going to become anything and I won’t be able to do something greater and impactful with them. It’s like an endless cycle of thinking on my mind. I’m in between the thoughts of ‘I can do this and I’m not very good at that’ at the same moment. It sounds like there is a voice in my head tells me that I would never be a master of anything in my life.

On the other hand, my talents are like the gifts that I got effortlessly and they have developed naturally from time to time. I didn’t do much trial and error to find them because I used to consider what my tiniest heart said to me what to do and it usually moves me to feel good. Even if one of many reasons it was passed down by my parents. I only know my life is more meaningful since I discovered my talents. Also, I have the urge to keep them for it can bring excitement on my bad days. I just couldn’t envisage myself would still be in the search of something I’d be so passionate about until now. It can be lifetime assignment to retain your talents though.

Despite everything, I constantly have to fight against the negativity and positivity is playing in my brain for having a talent at least can be a curse and a blessing from my view this far. It is something excites you as you won’t look for that anymore when you’ve obtained it earlier than others who are still not knowing what their talent will be. Whereas, you are unsure of your talents will be useful for your personal growth or not at all.

You could grow up with some talents but you still can feel lost in life and you are still searching for a new thing to try out. You might be experiencing a burnout for your endless curiousity and that is the point you are stuck and thinking to turn back to pay attention to what you’ve had in the first place. Perhaps, you are meant to have a natural talent and you are also destined to figure out something else. Life never stops offering us many probabilities until we really know what we want to do and life never stops teaching us many lessons as long as we are open to everything is sent and taken away from us temporarily or ever after. At the end of the day, life itself is certainly a secretive thing you would never take a guess.

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bea.
bea.

Written by bea.

dancing among the letters.

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