I disbelieve that we’ll grow up without feeling confused and anxious. I’d personally contemplate them as friends or enemies because some days they strengthen me and the other days they mystify my capability. For long time I feel my life just started in my twenties. Meanwhile the other people will disagree, I could own my life in thirties or older than that, or probably I’ve to achieve something bigger than people did just to confirm the ownership of my life. Simply somewhere there is something we called a culture that defines a human’s life based on the societal pressures and it can be used by some of us for a reason to judge the good and the bad. Sometimes I think I wasn’t meant to maintain a culture that has lived in me or I don’t think culture above all. At some point, culture does matter for some people but seemingly it’s just not for me when it comes to rationality.
There’ll be a moment I’m not sure if the people I’ve met in my life are still the same persons from my other point of view. I’ve seen a lot of things without them for years. I had the opportunities to experience everything that wouldn’t happen to everyone else. That’s what I am forever grateful for. The further I go, the older I grow, I just want to be whole as myself and I don’t want to change to have such someone else’s blessing in their life. It’s my honour from the creator of life, to be who I am and who I am becoming. As my first name means ‘light’, I’ve faith in what Rupi Kaur once said you can imitate a light like mine, but you cannot become it eventhough I’m replaceable at last. I can’t always agree with everyone. We do have our own opinion and we’ll always have something to say. We are meant to turn on our own light and never intended to dim each other’s. That could be one of many grounds we are created different one to another, to inspire in the diversity. I’m allowed to pick the road which I am surely able to run with myself so I don’t always follow the feeling as if I were in a competition with somebody else.
A reminder I’ve always on my mind is the future me requires the composition of agreements I make with myself from now on. Life is about choices that are wrapped by risks and responsibilities. If some people wouldn’t change like the way you want to see in themselves, the things you want to be in their life, let them live their life and end the desire to change anyone you meet. You were never born with the responsibility for that, you are in charge of yourself, your choice and life. I am not going to ask someone to be responsible for every trauma and wound I have even if they’ve caused that lives in me. I am not demanding someone to make me happy just because I haven’t been happy enough with myself. Don’t beg anything from anyone when you are so aware that it’s never someone else’s cognizance to carry your world on their back. In the journey of growing up, you’ll come across how to bloom a garden of flowers out of yourself in the hands of yours because you are the only one that know the treats you need for yourself.
